There’s a common misconception about kindness. It results in leaving one person okay and one person feeling damaged. The fact is, we never ever have to put up with being mistreated in the name of our own selves being kind. Kindness is a beautiful superpower that intentionally leaves all parties better than it found them. When we allow others to continue mistreating us, and we think our job is to just remain kind and allowing, nobody walks away better.
Good boundaries are a combination of truth, kindness, clarity, and courage. We can speak the truth with kindness, even when what must be said is a hard thing to say. When someone is treating us in ways that are demeaning, abusive, dismissive, and disrespectful . . . and we want to be a person who practices kindness, we can respond by respectfully stating our boundaries about what we will and will not allow into our lives and what is and is not okay with us. There is no reason to deliver this kind of truth in an unkind way.
When we continue to pretend that abusive behaviors are okay with us, by returning them with cheerful niceties, both we and the other person are not improving. In fact, we probably walk away from those encounters feeling a deep lack of respect for ourselves, and the other person most likely cannot feel respect for themselves either.
We can leave each other better than we found each other, when we up level the expectations to be that everyone deserves dignity, respect, and REAL kindness. We can do our part by being clear, in a kind way, that true unkindnesses are not okay with us.
You can do it. Just practice. It will leave things better than you found them.
You are so very loved,
Melody Ross www.braveliving.com
I want to add some thoughts. Boundaries are very important to set when we have mean spirited, toxic, abusive people around us. The toxic venom spewed from others is not behavior that is allowed. We must take care of ourselves and not allow these persons into our lives.
